Saturday, August 30, 2014

It's Not As Easy As It Looks

The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, or in my case on the other side of the field. I notice my neighbors often. They are the sweetest people I have ever met. I have heard her complain about things and even her complaints are nice. I got lucky in the neighbor department. Their kids remind me of the Duggar kids. They are polite and have great manners. Every answer is yes ma'am or no ma'am and I have never once heard them fighting. In 3 years I have never seen her outside yelling like a crazy bat out of hell for her kids to get in the house for the 256 time. Step across the property line into my yard. I'm sure they can't keep count of the number of times I have been outside yelling for kids to get inside, stop arguing, or threatening to beat them with the biggest stick I can find if they don't stop trying to kill each other. I wouldn't be surprised if they can hear me screaming across the house to stop slamming doors and to turn a light off. They probably believe I have followed through on my threats to knock them into next Tuesday when they hear the many screaming meltdowns that little miss Ainsley has daily. Their kids are older. I wonder if that's the secret. Survive the infant/toddler/lower elementary years and your reward is sleep, quiet and energy. I pray that's the secret to success. I'm no where near perfect. I do every thing the parenting manuals say not to. I bribe them to clean their rooms and the playroom. I let them have oatmeal cookies for breakfast. (How is that really any worse than giving them Reese least oatmeal is healthy on some level). I let them watch tv or play video games so I can have a shot at going to pee without an army of short people watching and yelling "you did it" when I flush. I tell the ones that can't tell time that it's bedtime, occasionally, when its really an hour until bed time. I let them eat in front of the tv so that I can eat my food without someone stealing it. (Even though my food is the exact same thing as theirs, mine always seems to taste better to them.) I hide in the closet with my bag of good chocolate so I don't have to share and can enjoy a minute of peace. It's hard being a stay at home mom. You lose touch with everyone. You can't call and chat during nap time because they are at work. Your day is filled with snot, poop and puke. Your most stimulating conversations are with a 2 year old and revolve around who lives in a pineapple under the sea. I have grown to hate Sponge Bob, a real, deep, true hate. If I hear I'm A Goofy Goober one more time... Days revolve around parent drop off and parent pickup. Getting kids to different schools, getting everyone to practice, doctor appointments, dentist visits and orthodontist check ups. Trying to clean a house when you have a tiny tornado following you around and destroying a room at the very moment you finish cleaning it. Washing clothes nonstop because 1 cant wear the same outfit all day, 1 puts their clean clothes back into the hamper instead of in their dresser and 1 is almost a teenager so she tries on 12 outfits a day and in the 5 seconds that she had it on manages to get it completely filthy. Trying to figure out why no one has clean socks and underwear only to find a collection crammed under their bed along with a half eaten apple that is beginning to grow mold and is no longer in it's solid form. At some point being a stay at home mom turns into a mild form of brain damage. It starts off slow. You run to the grocery store with no make up on and before you know it you are in the middle of Walmart in pajamas that you have had on for a week, dirty hair pulled up in a bun and a mystery stain on your shirt that you are scared to attempt to identify as you attempt to buy a week worth of groceries while 1 kids screams constantly, 1 is throwing every sugar filled thing they find in the buggy and 1 is too cool to be seen with you in your hot mess form. By the time your day is finally done you are so exhausted that you pass out the second you sit down. No energy for going out, chatting with friends or just hanging out on the couch. And it all starts over the very next day.. Maybe some people are just born with the patience required to have kids. Maybe after the first kiddo they develop the patience needed to handle more without losing their mind. Maybe they are all just as crazy as I am but do a better job at hiding it. Maybe they have a doctor with a really nice prescription pad. Who knows.. I may be doing this mother thing completely wrong. I may end up at Whitfield before they turn 18. The grass on my side of the field may not be as green and pretty but it's still alive and growing. Every day is a new day to start over. To make an attempt at clearing out the weeds and thorns. I know I have a long way to go but I will get there. The grass on my side of the field will be beautiful, green and full of blooming flowers. I just have to remember each day to water it. I don't mean to sound like my kids drive me nuts, they definitely do, but it's not horrible. You lose yourself and mommy becomes your identity. The once active, fun, adventurous woman has vanished and you are left with the mommy, whose life revolves completely around her short people. It's worth it. It wont be easy and there are days that you will want to run away from home but you will make it through. It helps to remind yourself that when your kids are grown and you are old it will be their turn to take care of you and payback will be so sweet ;)

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