Wednesday, October 29, 2014

An Open Letter To Gillian Relf

I have read your story.  I have read it over and over and I can't seem to wrap my head around it.  Personally, I could never abort a baby..sick or not, that is not something I could do.  How is their life of any less value than that of a healthy child? Why is it acceptable to end the life of a sick unborn child but not of a sick born child, teen or adult? In my opinion it's the exact same thing. 

I am a special needs mother.  My days aren't easy. I have more stress now than I ever have.  Instead of having a doctor we now have specialists.  We have therapies. We have tests. We have evaluations.  We have prescriptions.  We have rare.  We have high risk.  We have unusual.  We have delays.  We have disabled.  We have labels and judgment and opinions and advice.  We have good days and bad days.  We have schedules and routines. 

Your nice little article that was suppose to be an honest, heartfelt expression of how difficult your life has been was nothing more than a demonstration of your lack of motivation, determination and desire to put forth the effort and work necessary to change your life.  YOU are the reason that your life has been hard.  YOU are the reason that your marriage has struggled.  YOU are the reason that you have spent years being unhappy.  You are laying blame on your child for something that YOU created. 

No one promised us that life would be perfect or easy.  No one said that you would live comfortably in a nice house with a new car and have a warm meal every night.  No one promised you a healthy child that would graduate with honors and a scholarship to NYU to only later become the POTUS.  No one promised you anything! Life happens..sometimes it isn't pretty.  Sometimes it isn't what we want. That's when you put on your big girl panties and handle your shit. You don't sit back and have a pity party and cry about how your life is ruined. 

My life isn't perfect.  I spend hours getting screamed at, kicked and punched.  I watch the same show over and over.  We live by the same routine every single day.  Yes, sometimes it's annoying.  BUT I wouldn't trade her for anything and I sure as hell don't wish I had aborted her.  Every life has meaning and value.  If you would step back and stop being so selfish maybe you would see the value in your son's life.  If you would take the time to get to know your child instead of only seeing his limitations maybe you would understand his importance. 

Your comments are disgusting.  No mother that cares for their child could say that they wish they had aborted them.  No matter what point you are attempting to make or what cause you are trying to fight for your comments are sick.  Your child does not need this type of negativity in his life. If your mother had aborted you maybe your family wouldn't have to deal with the backlash of your ignorant comments.  How would you feel if your mother actually said that?!  We have reached a place where society believes it is acceptable to dispose of those that are not perfect.

Your attitude is the cause of your years of misery.  You alone are responsible for it all.  I live right in the middle of the special needs world and yes, there are days that we struggle, but there are many more good days than bad. It is your decision.  You can sit back and feel sorry for yourself or you can accept your life and make the most of it. Special needs kids are different, they are not less desirable, damaged or unwanted.  I have learned so much from my special needs child.  I'm so sorry that your son wasn't born to a special mother. 

1 comment:

  1. I haven't read the original note, but this was so well put.