Remembering 9/11

9/11 weighs heavy on me. I think because it happened just a few days after my oldest daughter was born. It shocked me out of that perfect, happy little world that every new mother enters and back into the real world. I have been thinking about the events of 9/11 for weeks now. Dreading the anniversary. Scared of what may happen, could happen, likely won't happen. I wanted to write a post that really expressed how I feel about that day but I couldn't. I can't think of anything to say about that day other than it was tragic. It was a display of hate that caused pain in the lives of millions that most of us will never experience. It left scars on our country that will never heal. It created fear and spread the very hate that created it. It was truly a tragic day. A day that we will never forget, nor should we. We should remember 9/11 and the people lost, not the hate that created it. The ones that did not come home. The workers that sacrificed themselves in an attempt to save others. The children that answered the phone only to hear that their family was taken away from them. We should remember the good, the selflessness, the willingness to comfort a complete stranger in the midst of chaos. That is what we should remember...not the evil.

As our entire country and millions of people around the world mourn the death and destruction created on this day 13 years ago, I sit here with a with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. A day that should be dedicated to remembering those lost and left behind is, instead, filled with dread and fear. My husband wanted to keep the kids home from school today. I didn't have to ask why. No one that remembers that day and has seen CNN in the past few weeks would have to ask why. I instantly replied, out of habit – without even thinking, that they have tests and can't be absent. Why should I be afraid to send them to school? We live in the middle of nowhere in little ole' Mississippi. We aren't exactly a huge target for terrorists. That's what I tell myself..on the days that these thoughts creep into my mind I tell myself there is no way that will happen here, not in my little town. Is that rational? The idea that nothing bad will happen to you and your family? That happens to other people, in bigger towns, in bigger states, in places that are more important. On the other hand, why not here? Why not attack where it is least expected. Our state houses a nuclear power plant and a major airport. Maybe we are a little more important than I thought. These thoughts come to mind at random. Any time I see a report of a shooting, kidnapping, murder, attack...these thoughts creep into my mind and I spend the remainder of the day convincing myself that we will never experience another 9/11. That is something that just doesn't happen twice.

Today we remember the nearly 3000 lives lost that day. We watch the news and pray that the rumors of ISIS planning an attack on the anniversary of 9/11 are just that...rumors. We will spend the day watching over our shoulders and breathe a sigh of relief when our families return home safely at the end of the day.

Most of us will never know what it means to experience terrorism first hand. I pray that we never witness another 9/11, especially on the anniversary of such a tragic event.